wordless-ish wednesday: moments with dad

ruby is so fortunate to have her dad. T is a great dad. he's loving and affectionate. he is always telling ruby how much he loves her. he wrestles with her & makes her laugh. they are pretty good buddies. here are a few special (and fun!) moments between the two of them. love our little family. :)

our week in iphone pics: may 6th - 12th, 2012

holla! here we are at the end of another week. i've just finished the most scrumptious little ice cream sundae of vanilla ice cream, cherry pie filing, hot fudge, and graham cracker crumbs. seriously. i need to start working out. ... anyway! back to our week. it was a lovely week as the weather was a bit warmer than it has been as of late. we made the most of it by spending a little more time outside and we even got to grill. suh-weet. and now we're moving on to next week, which will kick off with mother's day. suh-weet squared. life is good. check it out...

1. on the way to work/daycare in the morning, ruby reads (and look at her all
snuggled up with her hungry caterpillar while she reads the book. so sweet.)
2. ruby has loved her little car for a long time and she's finally figured out how
to climb on it herself so she pretty much does it all the time now. 3. time
outside with mama before dad came home. 4. practicing walking with mama.
5. brunch. enough said. 6. ruby is also a fan of brunch. and also eating mama
and dad's food. 7. family drive along the lake. it was a cool, rainy, beautiful day.

1. again, with the reading. this time, though, in a tutu. 2. mama makes good
food (chicken/lime/avocado/corn salsa rice bowl). 3. ruby shoves good food
in her face. 4. when ruby's hair ends up like this after bath, it always reminds
me of jim carrey as "the grinch". can you see it? 5. sweet, sleepy snuggles.
6. ruby tries (unsuccessfully) to not look bored while she waits for me to take
her on a walk. 7. after walking, we needed a break and 'sid the science kid'
did the trick!

1. my heart melted when i got my mother's day present made by ruby at
daycare. look at that little foot. 2. so happy to see dad at the end of the day!
3. this is ruby's newest face. she puts it on anytime she sees something new.
so, basically, it's on all. the. time. 4. this isn't the best shot, but this is ruby
dancing in her carseat. in this picture, she's clapping her hands. every time
'party rock anthem' comes on, she starts grooving. (it might have something
to do with her mama singing along, loudly, but who knows.) 5. i will be the
first to admit that it doesn't take much for ruby to impress me. but with that
said - check out her hold on that crayon. her fine motor skills are legit!
6. shades! heading out to a farmer's market. 7. what better way to end the
week than with a trader joe's chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich?

*linking up with amy over at a good life blog.



flashback friday: everybody loves a wedding!

lately, i've been lucky enough to have the time and energy and fun stuff to blog about so i've got loads of memories that i want to document here. but, i also love the idea of "flashback fridays" so that's what's on deck for today.

and it's a fun one! our wedding. it was a perfect day. sunny, light breeze, 75 degrees. i couldn't have dreamed for a more perfect day. and, appropriately enough, it was on a friday instead of the usual saturday. which is a very good thing because the day after our wedding, it started to rain. and it rained pretty much all day, every day, for the next 8 days. not that it bothered us too much since we were on our honeymoon in sedona. :) but that's another post. for today, here's a stroll down memory lane, to the day of our wedding.

married!

one of my favorites.

perfection.

enjoying our new normal because "babies don't keep"

yeah, i'm pretty sure it's official. we are getting the hang of parenting and becoming a family of three, instead of just T & i.  for starters, we're pretty much good with the new routine that is our life now. this includes (to my chagrin), ruby making us start our day at roughly 6 am each morning. on a much happier note, it also includes her nighttime bath which she loves and reading books before bed, another new activity that she's recently taken to. so, yeah, all this is becoming old hat to us.  but i hope i never take any of it for granted.

i'm grateful that i've finally reached the point that, for the most part, i don't worry about every little thing.  i've decided to stop obsessing about her sleep schedule and whether i nurse her to sleep or not, if she's held "too much", and least of all, the state of our house. we've still got a slew of boxes to unpack, but the way i see it, these last six months absolutely flew by. i don't want to miss a minute with our little family.

i've recently become addicted to "pinterest" (thank you, SIL candice! but that's a whole other post). anyway, as i was saying, i'm pretty much obsessed with pinterest now and last week i came across this print -

yeah, that pretty much sums it up.  i was actually on the phone with my mom a few days after i found this and we were talking about parenting, in general, when she started reciting parts of this poem.  i told her i'd just seen it myself.  before you knew it, we were both crying.  later that night, as i was nursing ruby, i was thinking about how much love i have for her and of my mom, getting choked up thinking of her babies that aren't babies at all anymore.  i know she's proud of all of us for the people that we've become, but i imagine she misses the days she could hold us in her arms and protect us from all of the harm and hurt in the world.  

we've come a long way in 6 months.  it's hard to believe how much we've grown as a family and i cannot wait to see what our lives will look like in another 6 months.

the day our sunshine (girl) arrived

i love reading other people's birth stories and i have been meaning to post mine/ruby's but, as you can imagine, things have been busy.  i wrote this in the pregnancy journal i kept while i was pregnant with ruby, but since this blog is kinda great big "book" for ruby to one day read, i want to keep it here, too.

so, here goes.

my due date was march 18th. at my last few prenatal check ups, i was told i wasn't dilated at all. i hadn't been having any contractions. i pretty much didn't think this girl was coming out and that she had decided to take up permanent residence in my uterus. even though her landlord was seriously ready to evict her butt. :) however, my doctor had informed us that he would be out of the country from march 8 - march 20 and since i kinda wanted him around for the big show, i was willing to hang out with my co-pilot a little while longer. my doctor scheduled my induction for the day after he returned from vacation and i had settled into idea that i would likely be induced.

however, ruby had a different plan. :) when i went to bed march 14th i felt a little "off". i can't really explain it but i was just unsettled. i got up that night 10 times to pee, which was more than my usual 6. and i remember waking up feeling like i was getting cramps, but they were so light that i would fall back asleep right away and didn't think much of it. i woke up around 7:30 am on march 15th, rolled over, and heard a "pop". yup, that's right. you can actually hear when your waters break. gross, i know. i remember saying to T "oh my gosh! i think my water just broke" and jumped out of bed. at which point, my suspicion was confirmed as i waddled to the bathroom with my knees held tightly together. i had noticed that it looked like ruby may have had her first poo (i know, ew!) already so i called the hospital right away and they said to come in. we live only 4 blocks from the hospital, which was great because i got to jump in the shower (and stall a minute while i processed that this was actually happening!) and get myself together. terence, of course, had yet to pack anything for him to bring to the hospital so he ran around and did that while i showered. we let our families know, i called into work, and off to the hospital we went.

i obviously had nothing to compare contractions to, but i was surprised by how strong they became and how quickly they became that strong. by the time we got to the hospital (around 8 am) they were coming about every 3 or 4 minutes and were pretty uncomfortable. they checked us into a room and hooked us up to some monitors. they checked me and i was at about 3 cm around 8:30 am. the nurse started taking background and health information from me and this is when the contractions really started getting stronger. i definitely couldn't talk through them at that point. around 10:00 am, the monitors picked up that ruby's heart rate dropped quite a bit (in the 80s) for about 6 minutes. at this point, a lot of doctors, medical students, attendings, etc came into our room to check me out. ruby had an internal monitor put on her to monitor her heart rate closer. it seemed whenever i sat up, walked around, or changed from any position except on my sides or on my hands and knees, her heart rate continued to drop. it was really scary. i was so grateful for the medical staff that helped us. they were supportive and informative and really made me feel like we were in good hands.

ruby's heart rate continued to drop every so often so i kept switching the sides that i was laying on. my nurse kept reminding me to breath deeply and slowly so that ruby would get enough oxygen and that really helped me to stay focused on what ruby needed from me. contractions are uncomfortable, to say the least. the pain is maddening, after a while. it just keeps coming and you know it's going to come back so it can be difficult to relax completely in between them when you know it's returning soon. at one point, the contractions were lasting 3 - 4 minutes long with about a minute break in between. i just kept thinking to myself "just breath. it's just one more thing you have to do for ruby." that, and T rubbing my hands and my forehead, really helped me focus and get through the pain.

around 12 noon, i was checked again and was told that i was 8 cm dilated. 8!! i couldn't believe it. as far as pain meds went, i knew i didn't want any IV meds. i assumed i would get an epidural, i just didn't have a plan as to when. i figured i'd wait until i needed it. when they told me i was at 8 cm, i remember thinking that i'd be coming up on what they call "transition" which was when all the preggo ladies on "a baby story" would become absolutely crazy-looking and start screaming about how they "can't do it" and "get the baby out!!!" i had managed to stay pretty focused and had yet to "lose it" so i told T and our nurse that i was ready for the epidural. the nurse told us that the best anesthesiologist was in surgery and if i could hold out another hour, she'd recommend waiting for this anesthesiologist, in particular. i agreed and carried on.

and man, was she right! around 1:30, the woman of my dreams, er, i mean, my anesthesiologist arrived. within 5 minutes, the epidural was in and within 15 minutes, i was feeling like i was in the middle of a spa day instead of in labor.

by 5 pm, i was fully dilated but ruby was facing up so she wasn't descending exactly like she was supposed to. i pushed for about an hour and a half, during which time her heart rate continued to drop. the doctor who was taking care of us (remember, mine is in puerto rico at the moment! ha!) voiced her concern for ruby and her heart rate continuing to drop. she recommended prepping me for a c-section and then using a vacuum to try and help ruby out. if that didn't work, we'd immediately proceed with the surgery. the epidural had worn off by then and i quickly agreed. :) in all seriousness, though, i was scared for ruby and was just absolutely ready to meet her. 

they got us ready and wheeled me into the OR. T was right alongside me. they tried with the vacuum during one contraction but it wasn't successful. the doctor said we'd try through one more contraction and move forward with the c-section if it didn't work. thankfully, we didn't have to have surgery. at 7:26 pm, ruby finally made her appearance. she was worked on pretty quickly by the medical team present because she had the cord wrapped around her neck 5 (yes, 5!!) times. they got her to respond pretty quickly but her APGAR scores were very low and they let us know she needed to stay in the NICU for one night for testing. before they took her down, though, we got to hold her and take a few pictures while they took care of me. 

to be honest, i was kind of in shock, i think. i remember feeling absolute relief that she was here, she was okay, and that i wasn't in pain anymore. i just couldn't believe that she was here - in the same room as me. i mean, this little person that i've been literally sharing everything with for the last 9 months, was finally on the outside and i was looking right at her. i was still worried about her and her health, but she seemed to look okay to me, so i tried to let that worry subside a bit. i do remember ruby looking directly at me, like she knew me. it was the most surreal feeling. and actually, she did know me already. and i knew her. i can't really describe it but any of you mothers out there know what i mean, i'm sure.

i went to the NICU three times that night to feed ruby. she seemed to take to nursing pretty quickly, although she couldn't do it for very long. those times together, just the two of us, in the middle of the night, were really wonderful, though. i still couldn't believe that she was actually my daughter, but i was immediately over-the-moon proud to say she was.

she came to our room the next day and has been with us ever since. :) she was in the 10th percentile for all of her measurements at birth and caught up by her first month appt. now she is in the 50th percentile and growing like a weed. she's come a long way...

ruby when she was brand new to the world.
we're a good team, rubinski. we got you here all safe & sound. 

if you're going to choose someone to share your life with, you should choose someone like this...



i realized i haven't posted much about T. which is crazy seeing as how he is pretty much my bestie. everyday i am grateful for him. we are going to celebrate 9 years together this coming november and it is amazing to think about our history together. when i met him at a mall my sophomore year of college, i had no idea that in a little over a year i'd be dating my future husband. it was an instant connection and we became friends quickly. i loved how he always made me laugh, what a snazzy dresser he was (ahem! and still is), and that he seemed genuinely kind. plus, it didn't hurt that he'd buy me beer if i asked. our 7 year age gap came in handy at times. :)

i think the age gap freaked T out a bit but there was no denying the obvious connection we had and despite some obstacles, a little over a year after we met, we were dating. within a month, i'd already dropped the "L" word (in a voicemail...on accident...it's a funny story) and i pretty much knew we were a done deal, in it for the long haul,  in it to win it... you get the idea.  :)

and now i know that it was the best decision (as if it were a choice) i've ever made. i used to always say that i never put much stock in the idea of fate or soul mates. and for the most part, i do still think that we choose to make a relationship work or we choose not to. however, as i look back on the relationships i've been in and the ones that i could have become involved in, i see just how close to perfect terence is for me. no one else has ever been as patient, as understanding, as supportive, or as caring as him. and now that we have ruby i am even more grateful for these qualities because they make for an incredible father. T loves ruby and i and he makes us his priority; i see it every day.

so, like i said, i couldn't have picked a better person to share my life with. 

ok, i'm done gushing now. you can go throw up. :)



blogging and baby-raising

i haven't told many people about this blog of mine. when i did tell one friend, she giggled and said " 'cause that's what people do after they have babies, right?" i didn't realize it but after looking around i saw she was kinda right. i have been following a baby blog (http://www.agoodlifeblog.com/) since november of last year, but i had no idea that there was a whole baby blog world. i should have known - i mean, it is the internet, right? what isn't on here? anyway, i have found that i really love to blog. :) it's kind of like a journal for me - a place to spill all my thoughts, experiences, memories, and feelings. T reads it so i know he'll see what's on my mind, but i don't have to come straight out and say it to him. we communicate well but sometimes it's easier to communicate with pictures and written word like i can here.

but i haven't been able to post as much as i would have liked lately because life is busy these days. between visiting with family, our day to day life flies by quick. ruby and i get home around 5:30, i get an hour or so to play with her, then it's bath time with dad (for her, i mean. this is a PG blog. heh!), and bedtime around 7:30. after that i have to make something for dinner, pick up the house, wash all ruby's bottles, and get her food ready for the next day at daycare. blah - it's exhausting just re-reading that! after i've finished all that, i inevitably think to myself - "self, you should really go to bed b/c your kid will be up in less than 4 hours." but if i do that i miss out on the good stuff - watching the brewer's with T, having any sort of an adult conversation with him, and my most recent favorite past time - bloggin'.

so, as you can see, blogging while raising a baby is tough work! but regardless, i hope to be able to keep it up. i really love looking back at pictures and posts and remembering all the fun stuff we've done as a family. it's cliche and you hear it all the time, but the time with your kid really does just fly by. i am grateful for every second of it and i hope you never hear me complain about it. i'm honored to be a mom - to be ruby's mom. i know life will be different for a while - well, really, it'll never be the same again. but it is better than i could have ever imagined. it's not something that i can explain to anyone who isn't a parent themselves. and it's not like i can sit around talking about ruby all day. i mean, i am completely capable of doing that :) but i'm sure no one wants to hear it all day long. which is probably why moms and dads start blogs after they have kids. for me anyway, i have to get it all out there - the overwhelming and completely amazing experience that is life after you start a family. 

i'm rambling now. so to summarize - i hope i can keep this bloggin' deal up even with the craziness that is life these days. and hardly anyone looks at this blog, but for those of you that do, i know that you'd be very sad if you weren't able to see stuff like this on a regular basis...

but. ter. ball.
this kid. she kills me. :)

flashback friday



this picture was taken almost exactly a year ago. and without going into any innapropriate details, it was also almost exactly a year ago that i became pregnant with ruby.  i didn't know until a couple weeks later, of course.  not until well after this day - which included numerous beers as we celebrated a friend's upcoming wedding.   not until after T & i moved the first of our stuff into the one bedroom apartment we recently signed the lease on.  and not until after i interviewed for a supervisory position, telling my bosses that i was "at a point in my life where i can make my career a priority."  oh, the irony. 

i am getting together with many of these lovely ladies tomorrow evening. and this time at the end of the night, i'll be coming home to T and ruby.  so there won't be numerous beers drank tomorrow.  and T & i are currently completing a rental application for a two bedroom townhouse in a quieter neighborhood.  and my career?  well, i enjoy my job and i do it well. but my top priority now? that would be these two... 

 ...and i wouldn't want it any other way.

fun week{end}ly pics v. 3

last week flew by (hence the lack of posts) but last weekend was a really great time! here's a recap in iPhone pics...

ruby & i started saturday morning off with a photo shoot. after i gave her a faux-hawk. and surprsingly, she was lovin' it. lately when i whip out the camera, she drops the smile pronto and i end up stealing pictures of her when she least expects it. :)

we headed down to "summer solstice", a local block party each year on, yup, you guessed it - the summer solstice. my friend, lisa, came with us and it ended up being a really great day. here was ruby, chillin' out in the stroller. (notice the big-toe-thumbs-up. ha!)

the fascination with her fingers continues. it is ridiculous how cute it think it is. she doesn't have to do much to impress me. :)

lisa & i enjoying the block party, a blue moon, and fabulous company. :)



ruby showed her dad a little love on father's day

fun weekly pics!



on the road! we traveled to MN to stay with my sister, wendy, and her family for memorial day weekend. most of my siblings were there and so was my mom.



memorial day weekend bonfire with my siblings and good music = my personal heaven

my nieces nori & hannah dressed my niece maren up in what they called an "asian wizard princess". i couldn't have described it more accurately myself.

it was *fantastic* to see my brother dale and his family. i was psyched for them to all meet ruby. my sister-in-law, candi, was lovin' the baby time with ruby. dale's a great dad. they are a really fun family and we were grateful to get to spend time with them.

maren absolutely *loves* ruby. she is constantly around her, observing her and commenting on her behaviors. "she's crying, mommy. she's happy! it's baby ruby." i just love it. i am so looking forward to ruby getting a bit older so that they can play together. maren kept giving ruby very loving, excited hugs. in this picture she had just elbowed ruby in the face during one such hug. ruby didn't seem to mind at all. :) she loves cousin-love.

after a long drive home, ruby was spent. i had to snap this pic b/c she looked so angelic and heavy in thought, as well. really, this is just her i-just-slept-for-hours-in-the-car-and-don't-know-where-i-am face. either way, i love it. beautiful girl. and considering we kept her in the car seat (which she considers a torture device) for a good five hours, i think she did a fantastic job on the ride home.

ruby has really begun discovering that she's an actual person - beginning with her fingers. i, of course, think this it is the most adorable thing ever. as an added bonus, it's like having built-in toys. we were stuck in line at the store and she was more than happy to sit and chew on her fingers.

ruby usually wakes up around 5 or 6 am and if left alone in her crib, will slowly wake herself up. but, if i scoop her out and snuggle her in bed next to T & i, she will usually sleep another hour or so. it is the sweetest thing to wake up to this scrunched up, chubby-cheeked girl. definitely starts my morning out on a happy note. :)

we bought ruby her first pair of jeans last week and i have to say, she freakin' rocked them. even if she does look not the slightest bit entertained to have her picture taken - AGAIN. :)

more of ruby discovering that she exists. :) she cracks me up when she sees herself in the mirror and just stares at the reflection. or when her hand passes in front of her face and she stops and stares at it. it's almost like you can see by the look on her face exactly what she's thinking - "holy moly. i think that's mine!" she's getting bigger so quick. she's definitely leaving that newborn baby stage.

 
ruby has been seriously hamming it up! her smiles are much more frequent now, especially when she sees someone she knows. these were just a couple i caught on camera this week. (don't you just love the hoodie? and the little birdie? too cute.)

this is definitely my favorite picture of the week (definitely worth the double-post this week!) it just melts my heart. i love watching ruby's eyes light up when she sees that her dad is home or when he sits down to give her a bath. i have a feeling she will be a little 'daddy's girl'. and yeah, i'm ok with that.

ruby and i spent saturday morning with one of my besties, sarah. we spent some time down by the lakefront, then picked up a 6 pack of a new glarus brew, and chilled out at our place. sarah and i worked together at the UWM Children's Center so i can count on her to not mind screaming children at all. which was a good thing b/c ruby was in rare form (until sarah left, at which point she took a 2 1/2 hour nap. go figure.)

we've discovered ruby is pretty entertained by the tv. yup, i am a terrible mom. i let my 3 month old watch tv. it's pretty hilarious. she watches it like she totally knows what's going on. and notice the sitting up position. yeah, we're 3 months now so we don't like to lean back on mama's knees anymore or (gasp!) lay on our back. no, we sit up. and we watch tv. goofy girl.



*sigh*

ruby adores her dad. and he pretty much thinks she's the best thing on earth. love these two. :)

a good refrain (lyrics i love v. 1)

so once a week, i plan on discussing my love of lyrics on here by highlighting a song that i think has especially awesome lyrics and why. with this in mind, i was going to write my first post on a monday so that i could name it 'music mondays' or something slick like that so that i could start off with a tribute to the title of my blog "a good refrain." however, i couldn't wait for next monday to get started. and all i can think of that sounds good with thursday is 'thirsty thursday' and that just won't work. i'll let you know when i come up with a good topic title. so, anyway, for this week -


i got 'a good refrain' from the regina spektor song "on the radio". even though i had heard the song many times before, i never really "heard" it until the week i found out T & i were expecting Ruby, if that makes sense. here are the lines that i think kick some serious lyrical booty -

"this is how it works
you're young until you're not
you love until you don't
you try until you can't

you laugh until you cry
you cry until you laugh
and everyone must breathe
until their dying breath

now, this is how it works
you peer inside yourself
you take the things you like
and try to love the things you took

and then you take that love you made
and stick it into some,
someone else's heart
pumping someone else's blood

and walking arm in arm
you hope it don't get hard
but even if it does
you'll just do it all again

on the radio
you hear 'November Rain'
that solo's awful long
but it's a good refrain"

i don't think i really need to explain why this is just full of awesome-ness. i'll just say that i found myself in tears listening to it when i first learned ruby was on her way and looking back on it now - seeing how hard the journey did get & how i always had T to walk "arm in arm" with -- of course, i would (and will) do it all again. because through all the crap and not-so-good days in life, i realize now more than ever, my new family is a good (and that's a serious understatement) refrain from it all.